I'd Rather Be in Philadelphia

By Thomas M. Parsons

Perhaps the most famous epitath in the world is the one which is said to be emblazoned on the tombstone of William Claude Dukenfield.

Born in 1880 in Philadelphia, William grew up poor and early in life learned that card playing and shooting pool could sometimes give him a few dollars to spend. But as a youth his main interest was in juggling. He practiced his art and at the age of 15 began juggling professionally, later taking his act to New York City.

William married Hattie Hughes in 1900. She served as his on stage assistant. They took the juggling act to Europe and enjoyed much success. Back in Philadelphia, in 1904, Hattie gave birth to their son and left the act; she did not wish to raise her child on the road. William returned to the road, and his act turned away from juggling into comedy routines.

In 1923, William starred in a broadway play called Poppy. He played a con man named Eustace McGargle. The role made him a star, and brought him into the movies. He starred in several silent films, and when sound came to the movies in the late 1920's, William moved to Hollywood and created the character he is now most famous for — a raspy-voiced bulbous-nosed good for nothing who could twist words to suggest meanings that made social comments while being caustic and funny all at the same time.

Examples of his wit are numerous. For example, in his film My Little Chickadee (1940), he said, “Once in the wilds of Afghanistan, I lost my corkscrew, and we were forced to live on nothing but food and water for days.” Or, when he was asked how he liked children, he responded, “Fried.” Or, “I once spent a week in Philadelphia. I think it was on a Sunday.” William made a good living making fun of his hometown. Another time he said, “I went to Philadelphia last week, but it was closed.”

William greased his life with an abundance of alcohol. In the 1940's, his health began to fail because of his drinking. He died in Pasedena, California on Christmas day, 1946. He was 66 years old.

His sarcastic remarks about his hometown of Philadelphia have led to that most famous of alleged epitaphs that legend says is on the tombstone of William Claude Dukenfield, better known to the world as W. C. Fields. All things considered, I’d rather be in Philadelphia. The truth is, his actual gravestone in Forest Lawn Cemetery in Glendale, California reads simply “W. C. Fields 1880-1946.”

But truth being what it is, and Fields being who he was (he once said, “More people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol), and Fields being where he is today, he might very well be saying now, “All things considered, I’d rather be in Philadelphia.”